I had an experience
that has changed me forever. The other day I went on my first racing outing.
Everything was going fine until the car starts bouncing out of control. I
tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown into the wall. Just when
things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the gas pedal.
The car went out of control, I could not get to the brake, in the grass, up
in the wall back down across the track, the car did not stop or even slow
down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the WalMart manager
came and unplugged it.
Why did NASCAR outlaw
the Polish victory lap.... Because it was interfering
with Bill Elliott's finishing of the race!
Jeff Gordon, Ricky
Rudd and Dick Trickle are convicted of crimes, and they're all sentenced
to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to
bring into the cell with them. The Gordon asks for a big stack of books.
Rudd asks for his wife. And Trickle asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they open up Gordon's cell. He comes out and
says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a Doctor. It was
terrific." They open up Rudd's cell. He comes out with his wife, and they've
got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife
and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I love it."
They open up Trickle's cell, and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody
got a match?"
What is the difference
between Jeff Gordons car and a porcupine? On a porcupine, the
pricks are on the outside!
Dale Jarrett quits,
realizing Ford and Quality are a contradiction of terms.
Martin is out jogging.
He slips on a damp bridge, hits his head, and falls into an icy river. Three
kids see it happen. They jump in and save him. When he comes to, he says,
"Boys, you saved Mark Martin. You each deserve a reward. You name it, and
I'll give it to you." The first kid says, "I'd like a ticket to Disneyland."
Martin says, "I'll take care of it personally." The second boy says, "I'd
like a pair of Nike Air Turbo's." Martin says, "I'll buy them myself and give
them to you." The third kid says, "I'd like a wheelchair with a built-in stereo."
Martin says, "I'll personally ... Wait a second, you're not handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be when my father finds out who I saved from drowning."
Dale Earnhardt Jr.
walks up to a PEPSI machine in a casino while at a race in Las Vegas, he puts
in a few coins, and out pops a Coke. He puts some more coins into the machine,
and another can of soda pops out. He keeps putting in coins, and cans of
soda keep coming out. Dale Jarrett walks up behind him and says, "Can I please
use the machine?" Dale says, "No way! Can't you see I'm winning?"
Did you hear that
WalMart is being sued? Seems a lady tried on an Ernie Irvan tee shirt. She
hit the wall three times before she could get out of the dressing room!!
The world's biggest
NASCAR fan died and went to heaven. When he arrived he found himself the best
seat at the most fabulous track he'd ever seen. There he saw Alan Kulwicki
and Davey Allison racin' side by side in 1&2.
Down in 3&4 he saw Tim Richmond and Neil Bonnett doin' the same, when
all of the sudden the rainbow colored #24 streaked by. 'OH NO!' exclaimed
the man, when did this happen? St. Peter replied,
'don't worry, that's God, he just likes to think he's Jeff Gordon!' Then the yellow #23
Camel Ford came flying by and tapped the left rear quarter panel of God's
car spinning him out in a cloud of smoke. "What was that!!!" exclaimed the
man... "Oh", said St. Peter, "that was the Devil... he likes to think he's
Jimmy Spencer..."
Mark Martin was arrested
today for breaking and entering. Seems he broke into the Local Cheverolet
dealership. When asked why he would do such a thing he replied, "I was just
trying to see what the front end of a Monte Carlo looks like!"
