15) After each caution,
the car will run the opposite way ... caution - clockwise - caution - counter
clockwise - caution - clockwise ... etc.
14) Earnhardt, Jr.,
has to drive with a passenger ... preferably a sumo wrestler ... for extra
weight.
13) Potty pit stops
during a half time.
12) No more champagne
in Victory Lane. A special Jeff Gordon whine will be used.
11) The 'wider is
better' Pontiac will be narrowed since NASCAR has discovered the reason Pontiac
widened the car was to accommodate Tony Stewart's ego.
10) Races will be
shortened to 7 laps so Darrel Waltrip can finish on the lead lap on at least
one of his final truck races.
9) There will be
a 15 minute half time break so Benny Parson can get a snack ... better make
it a 30 minutes.
8) Cars with handicapped
plates shall pit in specially marked blue pit stalls.
7) Depends Undergarments
announced it will sponsor a car for the 2005 season. For the betterment
of the sport, NASCAR forbids Dick Trickle to be named the driver.
6) To ward off an
approaching sexual discrimination lawsuit, NASCAR mandates at least one member
of each sexuality will be represented on each team ... Male, Female and Jeff
Gordon.
5) Top speed is out!
The cars starting positions will depend on how pretty the car is. If it's
ugly they will vote on who gets provisionals, the ugliest car goes home.
4) To save the Inspectors
time, Jeremy Mayfield's car will automatically fail inspection each week
and the team will be fined $25,000.
3) Mike Skinner will
start backwards so when he spins he will be facing the right direction.
2) The winner of
a race will be determined by who picked the winner in NASCAR ROCKS ... if
no one picked a winner, straws will be drawn ... the straw draw also holds
true for second on back.
1) Because of Political
Correctness, no discrimination against the handicapped will be permitted.
This shall be called the Steve Park Rule.
