YOU MIGHT BE A RACER CHICK
IF...
- You think the primary
purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
- You take your helmet
along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or check out cars (seats).
- You feel compelled
on a road trip to beat your previous best time.
- You are happiest
when your street car's tires are worn to racing = depth (wear bars showing).
- When something falls
off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved.
- When you hear 'overcooked
it', instead of food you think 'off the track'.
- You change engine
oil every other week.
- You sometimes hear
little noises from your passengers when you get on the throttle right after
turning
in.
- You thoroughly enjoy
showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
- Your racing budget
is one of the big three -- mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.
- Your email address
refers to your race car rather than to you.
- You walk proper lines
through the grocery store.
- You've been known
to yell "It means 'check your mirrors' dammit!" at your television.
- You've paid $4.00
a gallon for gas without complaining.
- You buy new parts
because you don't know where you put the spares.
- You bought a race
car before buying a house.
- You bought a race
car before buying furniture for the new house.
- You're looking for
a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
- You find that you
need a new house because you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors are
threatening
violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
- The requirements
you give your real estate agent are (in order of importance):
1) 8 car climate controlled garage
with an attached shop.
2) Outside parking
for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dualie, a 28'enclosed trailer and a 34'
5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets
in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Convenient to a
hazardous waste disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street
from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house
with a working toilet and shower on the property somewhere -or- hookups
for the motorhome.
- You measure all family
acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires that could have been
purchased.
- You know well that
Orthodontic work is the equivalent of three sets of tires
- You sit in your race
car in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and practice your heel
and
toe, while
waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.
- You look at the purchase
of tools as a long term investment.
- Your partner says,
"If you buy another set of tires, I'm getting jewelery."
- Your garage holds
more cars than your house has bedrooms.
- You have enough spare
parts to build another car.
- More than one racer
supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
- You have car parts
in your cubicle at work.
- You think the last
line of the Star Spangled Banner is: "Racers, start your engines!"
- If you can't remember
when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends.
- You're registered
for wedding gifts at AutoZOne, Canadian Tire and Racer Wholesale.
- Your Christmas list
begins with another set of BFG R1's and Pauter rods (and your 'significant
other'
knows
what these are).
- After your answer
to "What did you do this weekend?" the next question is always: "And you
do this
for fun?
Right?"
- You have a separate
drawer for 'garage clothes'.
- Your reading material
in your bathroom consists of auto parts and racing supply catalogs, several
books
written by famous drivers, every book Carroll Smith has ever written....
and 400 car
magazines,
none of which have centerfolds and somewhere in the bunch is a Cosmo.
- People know you by
your class letter, car number, and car color.
- People know you by
your "off"s". "Oh, you are the one stuck in the mud at ButtonWillow last
weekend!"
- You talk to other
cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturers name.
- Your first date involves
asking him to crew for you.
- Your criteria for
selecting a significant other include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.
- Your friends don't
recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
- Your family remembers
your hair color as "grease".
- You plan your wedding
around the race schedule.
- You astound the clerk
at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
- You remember the
dates and details of every race you've ever been in, but can't remember your
phone
number.
- Your family brings
the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.
- You complain when
cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing
your
exit speed
to drop.
- A neighbor asks if
you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply,
"Vegetable or
corn."
- You give out Summit
Racing's number when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
- You refer to the
corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."
- You look at the fire
hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
- You enjoy driving
in the rain on the way to work or school.
- You always late apex
the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming out.
- Everywhere you go,
you try to find the fastest line through the turn.
- You always do a toe
& heel downshift while whoever might be your passenger gives you a real
funny look.
- You can't stand anyone
telling others how to drive. Of course, you are the best.
- You can't stand understeer.
- You always want to
change something in your street car to make it handle better.
- You will gladly pay
up to $8 for a quart of engine oil.
- You hate long distance
driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to the race track.
- You think that traction
control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
- You've ever tried
to convince your husband you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter
on his
station
wagon.
- You save broken car
parts as "mementos".
- Your last several
freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps
perfectly....
- You've found your
lawn mower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas (but doesn't particularly care
for alcohol).
- The local tire shop
won't honor the tread life warranty on any car you have been within 50 yards
of...
- The shop manager
at your local car dealer mutters "dear Lord" under his breath after he sees
the
size of
your exhaust piping.
- The local police
and state Highway Patrol have a picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
- You spend more time
polishing your exhaust tip every day than you do on your hair.
- Instead of pictures
in your wallet, you have timeslips.
- You would choose
a roll bar over air conditioning if it were an option.
- You enjoy driving
through wet, empty parking lots and using the emergency brake to kick the
back
end out.
- White smoke coming
out from under your tires is a common sight.
- You consider the
redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun limiter"
- You spend more on
insurance premiums than on food or make up.
- Your idea of a good
time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios and the ideal final drive
ratio for
given situations.
- When someone refers
to "The Good Book", you think of "The Auto Math Handbook"
- When someone asks
where you went to school, you reply, "Skip Barber".
- You have racing shops
programmed on your speed dialer.
- You own five cars
and only one of them is street legal.
- You know the 1/4
mile times and skid pad numbers of your riding mower and want to improve
them.
- You've embarrassed
your significant other at least once by insisting on wearing your full face
helmet
while
driving.
- You know the "racing line"
of every turn in your daily commute, including your alternate routes,
and practice
hitting them every day.
- You quote your street
tire wear life in weeks rather than miles.
- You regularly live
test your rev limiter on that straight that's a little too long for 2nd but
not worth
going
into 3rd for.
- You've started looking
for sponsors for your daily commute.
- You've slalomed in
a construction zone, and counted your penalty time in the rearview afterwards.
- After you tell your
husband where you'd like to go on your vacation he answers: "Why... is there
a
race there?"